SEX GUIDE FOR TRANS MEN AND THE CIS MEN WHO ARE INTO THEM

Let’s talk about trans men who are into men.

Wha… GAY trans men?

Trans men are not necessarily attracted to women. Some trans men, whether they identify as gay, bi, androsexual or something else, are attracted to cis men or other trans men like themselves.

Gay Trans Man attracted to Cis/Trans Men
Bi Trans Man attracted to Cis/Trans Men and Women
Androsexual Trans Man attracted to Cis/Trans Men / Masculinity / Male-ness

Unfortunately, when trans people do not fit into a binary, this carries a lot of stigma outside and inside of the queer community. Trans men are expected to be attracted to cis women, and trans women are expected to be attracted to cis men.

Cis gay men are also expected to be attracted to other cis men and may be ridiculed for their attraction to trans men. Let’s be clear, cis men attracted to trans men are gay because trans men are men. Attraction to trans men does not take anything away from your identity.

Wait, wait, wait. What is this “cis” stuff you keep talking about?

A cis or cisgender person is someone whose sense of gender matches their sex assigned at birth.

A baby assigned female at birth grows up to identify as a woman is a cisgender woman.
A baby assigned male at birth grows up to identify as a man is a cisgender man.
A baby assigned female at birth grows up to identify as a man is a transgender man.
A baby assigned male at birth grows up to identify as a woman is a transgender woman.

Let’s move on to sex between trans men and cis men.

Isn’t that pretty “straight” forward?

Actually, it’s not. Sexual relationships between trans men and cis men depend on various factors, such as:

– operative status of the trans man
– level of gender dysphoria of the trans man
– comfort level with various body parts of the trans man
– is the trans man a top, bottom or versa?
– is the cis man a top, bottom or versa?
– likes and dislikes of each partner
– what acts each partner ultimately consents to
– availability and desirability of toys
– HIV status
– relationship status
– use of STI prevention methods (condoms, PEP, PrEP & TasP)

Operative Status

Terms Definitions
Non-op means does not desire, wish to, or opts not to undergo gender confirmation surgery (GCS)
Pre-op means there is a desire, wish or plan to undergo GCS but has not done so
Post-op means they have undergone some form or multiple forms of GCS
Top surgery refers to chest masculinisation surgery
Bottom surgery may refer to phalloplasty or metoidioplasty, and/or hysterectomy

A trans man’s operative status is not an indicator of what sex acts he would enjoy engaging in or may want to engage in with his partner.

Gender Dysphoria & Naming Parts

Trans men experience gender dysphoria to different degrees. This dysphoria may be so extreme that it causes depression and anxiety but some may feel little to no dysphoria at all.

Some may not be comfortable with their chest or groin areas and that’s ok. And many of them can still experience and enjoy sex despite their dysphoria by communicating with their partner before any sexual activity. Many trans men name these parts in a way that’s comfortable for them. For example:

Alternative Terms
Chest chesticles, man boobs
Privates mangina, front hole, bonus hole, boy hole

Protection

Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are passed on during unprotected sex with an infected partner. There are many types of STIs and they all have undesirable effects. HIV is the most feared STI in the MSM community as it claimed thousands of lives. The Philippines has at least 77,000 people living with HIV (PLHIV). It is important to always use protection during sexual intercourse.

Condoms are the most effective means of preventing the spread of STIs and pregnancy. They come in a variety of textures, flavors, and sizes. There are affordable condoms as well as more premium options. If you can’t afford to buy your own condoms, city health centers, and HIV testing centers provide them for free.

Not everybody enjoys the use of condoms and may prefer pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP). PrEP is when people at risk for HIV take daily medicine to prevent HIV. PrEP can stop HIV from taking hold and spreading throughout your body. When taken daily, PrEP is highly effective for preventing HIV from sex or injection drug use. PrEP is much less effective when it is not taken consistently. Studies have shown that PrEP reduces the risk of getting HIV from sex by about 99% when taken daily. Among people who inject drugs, PrEP reduces the risk of getting HIV by at least 74% when taken daily. It does not protect against other STIs. It does not prevent pregnancy. It is recommended to use both condoms are PrEP together to further reduce your risk.

If you are not on PrEP and the condom breaks during sexual intercourse, you shared needles, or were sexually assaulted, you need post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP). It means taking antiretroviral medicines (ART) after being potentially exposed to HIV to prevent becoming infected. PEP must be started within 72 hours after a recent possible exposure to HIV, but the sooner you start PEP, the better. Every hour counts. If you’re prescribed PEP, you’ll need to take it once or twice daily for 28 days. PEP is effective in preventing HIV when administered correctly, but not 100%.

Treatment as prevention (TasP) refers to when a PLHIV prevents the transmission of HIV to their partner by taking their HIV medication regularly, and testing regularly to make sure their viral loads are at undetectable levels. A PLHIV person does not need to and should not take PrEP or PEP. TasP does not prevent the transmission of other STIs and pregnancy. It is recommended to use both condoms with TasP to further reduce transmission risk.

Forms of Protection

Condoms – significant protection against most STIs
– affordable options available
– prevents pregnancy
– may be available for free at health centers
PEP – taken only after possible exposure to HIV
– does not protect against STIs other than HIV
– does not prevent pregnancy
PrEP – taken daily
– does not protect against STIs other than HIV
– does not prevent pregnancy
TasP – for PLHIVs with undetectable viral loads and their partners
– does not protect against STIs other than HIV
– does not prevent pregnancy
Note: Testosterone therapy for trans men is not an effective method of birth control. There is not much medical literature, if any, regarding the use of chemical birth control methods in conjunction with with testosterone therapy, however, it is important to discuss this with your physician, and their responsibility to find out. There are multiple birth control methods you can explore.

Negotiating Sex

It’s important to discuss and negotiate what sex acts are ok, and what aren’t, even if it’s awkward. Do not assume that all trans men bottom. Trans men may be top, bottom, or versa. They may use toys like strap-ons. They may bottom with their front hole, back hole, or both. They might not enjoy penetrative sex at all and may like to do other things. Protection must be discussed as well.

It helps to have a checklist and see which of your interests match.

Sample checklist:

PARTNER A PARTNER B
Mutual masturbation Mutual masturbation
Enjoys receiving blow jobs Enjoys giving blow jobs
Enjoys giving blow jobs Enjoys receiving blow jobs
Enjoys receiving rim jobs Enjoys giving rim jobs
Enjoys giving rim jobs Enjoys receiving rim jobs
Enjoys being penetrated in the front hole Enjoys penetrating front holes
Enjoys penetrating front holes Enjoys being penetrated in the front hole
Enjoys being penetrated in the back hole Enjoys penetrating back holes
Enjoys penetrating back holes Enjoys being penetrated in the back hole
Condoms Condoms
PrEP PrEP
PEP PEP
TasP TasP
Remember: It’s ok to consent to something before sex but then to withdraw that consent during sex. Always respect what the other person wants and doesn’t want to do.

Last Words

In the Philippines, there’s still a lot of stigma towards and lack of understanding regarding trans men who are attracted to men, and cis gay men who are attracted to trans men. Therefore, there aren’t many resources for them. But I hope this short guide becomes a useful resource for all the trans men-into-men, and the men who are into them.

From left to right: Luke Hudson, Buck Angel, and Jade Philips

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